The Guilt Of Death
by sandra2013
Summary: This is how Elena deals with the death of Jeremy at his funeral. Will she leave for her friends safety or stay and prevent any more casualties. The guilt if far too much just for one person. Elena is all alone now that every member of her family has died and she blames herself. One-shot.


I ran my fingers down the front of the simply cut black dress, thinking back to my parents funeral. Everyone was very supportive that day, my friends and my brother helped me get through it all. There isn't a day that i don't think about them, but every time i do its a reminder that i need to keep going, keep living because they can't. Because of my stupid choices they are now dead.

After their death everything changed. I should have died that day with my parents. I should have taken my last breath with them, but i never did. Every death that has followed since that day happened because of me. Some sacrificed themselves for me, some were collateral damage in someones plan to destroy me. The all died so I could live. Every time i am faced with death i would happily accept it. But every time someone else pushes me out of the way at the last second so they get claimed instead. I have to keep living for them, that is the only promise i have to keep.How can I live when My heart has already died with the guilt that i possess.

I was quickly pulled out of my spiralling thoughts by Caroline, she told me that it was time. I made my way down the stairs from my room only to listen intently to the silence. This house will never be filled with my parents chatter or Jenna shouting for Jeremy to keep the music down. This house will stay silent because of me. I have caused this everlasting silence.

Caroline and Bonnie gave me a hug and told me that i will get through this and everything will be alright. I gave her a weak smile that would never reach my eyes. My best friends understood all of this and didn't try to push me like so many once tried and failed with each death.They have been with me since it all started.They never gave up on me even though i already have many times.

The lives for all my friends changed. Caroline became a vampire, Bonnie found her witch powers,lost her gramps and her mum became a vampire, Tyler became a werewolf and lost both of his parents, Matt lost his sister. These are just some of the things that I caused and the list will keep growing as long as i stay here in Mystic Falls.

I gathered the red roses from the table and made my way to the car not making a sound. The car ride to the cemetery was short and no one tried to fill it with pointless chatter and the silence was calming. As we made our way through Mystic Falls I made a promise to myself that I would leave everyone behind so i couldn't affect their lives with any more pain. I have done enough here. I hope the trouble i cause stays with me and doesn't stay here.

The cemetery wasn't as full as the first family funeral. It was just our closest friends because we had no family. I had no family. All of my family was dead. All of my parent figures laid here in this place. After my parents died i spent many hours writing in my diary, more than i actually wanted to spend at home. I remember the hours just blending together as my pain grew with the blame.

If i had never skipped family night I don't think any of these deaths would have happened. Although i'm sure that someone would want my blood as I am the doppelganger. But they can't have me anymore because I have been turned into a vampire to protect a loved one. I hope that i will be the last one although I'm not sure of how far the line goes. If i ever did meet another doppelganger would they face the same life as i have.

If i was never born then my little brother Jeremy would be alive. Even though he would still become one of the five. Would my family know of the supernatural? I will never know as it is my fault they are dead. Everything thats happened in this little town, all the supernatural incidents were aggravated because of my involvement. Even though everyone know this no one will point the finger of blame at myself because they care too much to hurt my feelings. None of this was my intention but bad luck just latched onto me and i was never able to pry it off me and perhaps it will stay that way for the rest of my existence.

Jeremy's funeral was a quiet, i didn't even know what to say. All I could think was I'm so sorry Jer, I should have protected you as your big sister now that i became a big bad vampire. The tears ran down my cheeks with no control. someone gave me a tissue but i didn't even register their face. I placed a red rose for him then went down the line for each of my family. Everyone got a rose. Jeremy, Jenna, Alaric, Mum, Dad, Isobel and John.

I really was alone now but at least they are together and i can't wait to join them even if i will have to wait a thousand years, I will find them even though they despise me for what i have done to them. Unconsciously i have led them to their deaths. Maybe I was exactly like Katherine. That thought lingered in my head longer than it should have. Each rose laid by their gravestone and i looked down their line of my family. Will i ever be laying next to them, don't think i even deserve to be here. I know that I deserve the guit and i won't ever turn it off. Sure it would be easier but the were never able to do that before their death why shouldn't I suffer all eternity.

I won't be forced into anything now that I the sire bond has been broken. It happened when Jeremy laid in my arms in that cave. Damon told me to go and i wouldn't. I think i stayed there for hours asking someone to help him, my little brother Jer. In my heart he was always Jer, Not the Vampire hunter that would lead to the cure. Throughout it all he was still my little brother and i failed him. Katherine got to him. I'm sure he thought that i was the one that did that to him but i really hope he knew it wasn't me. All i could hope was that he knew this, that it wasn't me and that i wasn't that monster. But really was i really that different to her i let the people i love die...

I received many hugs and words of comfort. How could i accept them when i was such a monster. I didn't want to hurt anyones feelings so i accepted then with a sad smile that was reflected of everyone around me. Damon lingered with me at the end he told me it was going to be ok. the would help me. But i can't accept his help, i told him to go. I'm sure I will regret that decision but i can't love him. He can't have feelings for me anymore after everything i have done. Damon has done some terrible things but he always had a cause. My cause was to live, everyone wanted that and now i have to live for my family. If I ended my life their deaths would be pointless. So now I will live for eternity as a vampire with their deaths on my shoulders. The guilt will eat me alive.

Everyone made their way to their cars Bonnie and Caroline got a lift from Matt and Tyler so i could drive home. The journey was full of tears and pain. But i deserve it because I am a monster even though i won't admit that to anyone. I got home and rushed into my room at vampire speed and found my purple duffle bag that Caroline and I got on a shopping trip three years ago. I packed it full of essentials and made my way down. I found my purse and other bits and pieces. The tears never stopped and the sobs kept erupting. I took some photos and stuffed them inside. This is the gilbert house and everyone has died even I.

Im sure people will miss me but they have to move on. They have to forget about me. I hope they have happy lives ahead of them. The salvatore brothers will return here i'm sure but i won't be here. I will always love everyone here, all my friends that I consider family but its too dangerous for them. They will hurt but its for their best. If I had to say goodbye then they would find a way to stop me from leaving and i can't have that. I have to leave them behind. However hard it is i have to do it.

It didn't even register to me that i got in the car and started driving. The passing of houses of mystic falls gave me a pang of guilt that i was leaving with no goodbye. I gripped the steering wheel harder and got to the bridge where it started. I didn't dare to slow down but kept going without looking back. Everyone will soon find the house empty but i hope they won't look for me. They should forget about me. I received a text from bonnie asking if she should come over. I quickly replied that i was out hunting to make sure she didn't come over.

I drove through the night and found a diner off the highway only stopping to fill the tank. The night came and I had silent tears running down my cheeks once again. Thats how my life will go on, I won't hunt humans but andi animals just like Stefan. His name brought on another wave of sobbing and tears. I'm sure they think I'm a coward and will hate me for leaving but its really for their best.


End file.
